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Dumb White Husband vs. The Grocery Store (A Short Story)

John is a dumb white husband. That is to say that he loves and cares for his family, is successful in his career, popular around the neighborhood, can dress himself (often without injury) and is capable of reasonable thought. Demographically, however, he functions like a 4-year-old that can’t quite master the intricacies of the potty.

It isn’t his fault. He studied hard and got a college degree. He works hard and earns a comfortable living. But, like all other dumb white husbands, he leads a dual life; competent member of society by day, helpless male by night, weekends and holidays.

He has served for years as the nervous legal department-approved foil of commercials, TV and movies. And, for this service, we thank him. No one has ever cared to look inside the mind of the dumb white husband – probably for a fear of what we might find – but, if we took a minute to consider it, we may see that he’s not as dumb as we all think. But, he probably is.

In this adventure, Dumb White Husband goes to the grocery store.

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