When it comes time to freeze a loved one, you have a very important decision to make. Do you freeze the whole body or just the brain?

At KrioRus, you can freeze a whole body for $36k. But it’s only $15k to freeze the brain. That’s a pretty substantial savings. And, let’s be honest, if you’ve reached the point where you’re thinking about preserving a loved one in a vat of liquid nitrogen in a storage shed in Russia, the body isn’t in the best shape to begin with. So, it just makes sense to save that body money and put it to better use elsewhere.

My first thought would be to take a couple of thousand and put a face on that floating brain. Projection systems are more and more affordable each day. And you could probably get someone on Fiverr to animate you a couple of eyebrows and some lips for next to nothing. All that’s left is to give your momentarily departed a voice. Just take some of the body savings, head to Cameo and hire a celebrity.

Was Uncle Tommy the cut-up? Get Kevin Pollock to tell his favorite jokes.

Is Pollock too much? Get Col. Sanders from Spaceballs.

Did Grandma have the voice of an angel? You can get Debbie Gibson to lend GMaw hers.

Was her voice a little rougher from a three-pack a day Pall Mall habit? Gilbert Gottfried is here to help.

Did Grandpa always remind you of John from CHIPS? Good news.

Or maybe Grandpa was boring and warrants a little more style? Then you need the man himself.

Look, the chances are if science ever gets to a point where we can revive a frozen brain, they’re going to have a few bodies on hand that have a few less miles on the them anyway. So, I say go for the brain savings. Your loved one will thank you when they finally stop shivering.


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