Sweet Saturday Sample 9/15

Welcome everyone. Here’s the Sweet Saturday Sample: #SweetSat

Dumb White Husband vs. Babies:
A Guide for Unsuspecting Fathers

Delivery: The Twin Version

With twins the doctor will most likely suggest or insist on a C-section. The process is no different or less disgusting. The doctor will just pull out two kids instead of one. Separately. One at a time not one in each hand like some kind of Globetrotter palming basketballs.

Seeing your first child will still be the biggest moment of your life but there is only about a minute to admire him or her before you have to split your attention to the other one. From this moment on your life will be a constant struggle to not favor one over the other.

But something else has happened here. You¹ve not only been blessed with two wonderful children, you¹ve been awarded the ultimate one-up. From here on out, unless they have triplets, you don¹t have to listen to anyone bitch about their kids ever again.

You¹ve been given license to end all complaints with one simple phrase. And you¹ll need it because most of your friends are probably having kids about this time as well. Whenever they start to complain about anything baby related, just look them in the eye and say, “I’m sorry. Is your ONE baby causing you problems?” Instant silence.

This will work forever. Toddler, pre-schooler, kindergartener, teenager never again will you have to listen to anyone gripe about the difficulties of raising a child.

Warning: Don¹t do this if they are talking about health issues. Then you¹re just being an insensitive dick, you dick.

About the book:

From the moment your wife hands you the stick covered in pee, the world is out to get you. Doctors will ignore you, baby companies will try to take advantage of you, hospitals will try to cripple you and your new child will try to make you sterile.

This everyman’s guide to becoming a father gives you every warning the other books missed and offers advice on how to get from the pregnancy till the end of your baby’s first year. It covers everything from where to hold the stick your wife spent the morning peeing on to ensuring that your baby’s first word is, “Dada.”

There’s even a twin version in case your so much of a man that you knocked up your wife twice at the same time.

Don’t go into fatherhood unprepared. Know what’s coming.

Wanna read more? DOWNLOAD it  today!

Thanks for reading
– ben

Also, go back and check out the other Sweet Saturday Sample authors.


  1. This sounds like a really funny book, but full of good advice too. I like your observation that having twins gives you license to end other parents’ complaints. I’m sure you’re right!

  2. Hahahahaha! Having twin sons myself–and they were a surprise, believe it or not–and twin grandsons, to boot, this hit very close to home. Thanks, Benjamin. Good writing!

  3. Thanks, Marsha. The twins shocked us as well. I feel I’ve doomed my family line as we were the first to have them. But, when my kids are acting up I tell them, I hope you have triplets and I’m not changing any diapers.

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