The Val Verde. The nation of Val Verde. It’s down in South America nestled between… I can’t seem to find it on a map. There should be a map of Val Verde, but no one has made one. I want a giant world-domination sized map of Val Verde to hang behind me in my office.

It should be clear to everyone by now that I’m a big nerd. One thing that has always fascinated me is a shared fictional universe. I love the idea put forward by Philip Jose Farmer that numerous fictional characters, good and evil, share the same bloodline. Doc Savage is Tarzan’s cousin. Moriarty and Holmes are distantly related. Alan Moore did the same thing with the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Blade Runner and Soldier are set in the same universe/timeline. But Val Verde is the king of them all in my book.

The fictional impoverished South American dictatorship was created to stand in for real impoverished South American dictatorships during the 80’s, because saying bad things about the real ones could cause international incidents or some non-sense.  So, Val Verde was dreamt up. It’s a wicked combination of Columbia’s drug problems, Cuba’s classic cars, and Castro’s beard. And, Val Verde saw a lot of action:

It’s deposed dictator kidnapped Alyssa Milano with the help of an Australian Freddy Mercury and tried to force her father to put him back in power. This attempt failed so the dictator went on to marry a waitress from a Boston bar.

Then some Val Verde drug dealers/commie supporters (I don’t remember) pissed off an alien and Apollo Creed had to stop it. But, he lost his arms so Alyssa Milano’s dad killed it with a trap made of sticks.

Then, later, another dictator tried to take back his Val Verdian authority with the help of the guy who owns McDowell’s restaurants. But, he was stopped by the guy who traveled back in time to save us from 12 monkeys. He was a cat burglar or something.

And, at some time, a SuperCarrier parked there. But nobody watched what happened.

Val Verde has a rich and violent history for a country that doesn’t really exist. I find it interesting. I want a map.