Coffee for Writers
As a service to my fellow authors, copywriters, bloggers, late night night novelists and blue-collar creatives, I have taken it upon myself to test many brands of coffee and report back to you my findings. For this service, I ask nothing, but know that some of the links below are affiliate links. This will cost you nothing, but could help me buy more coffee.
I am as interested in the brand behind the coffee as much as I am the roast itself. There is no shortage of great roasts, but a great brand can make them all the better. A great brand, however, can not salvage a bad coffee.
This post will be updated as I sample new coffees. Please leave me your recommendations in the comments.
Let’s get started.
The Coffee: Café Grumpy Columbia
I like this brand. Just look at that grumpy bastard. He’s awesome. What’s not awesome is that they don’t offer a dark roast. That’s a miss. Because dark coffee is morning coffee. No one gets up for medium. (Well, lot’s of people do. But they’re wrong.) This relegates Café Grumpy to an afternoon or evening coffee.
I still want a t-shirt with that adorable face on it. He’s not really grumpy. He’s just misunderstood.
Good for Writing: Ransom notes
The Coffee: Koffee Kult Dark Roast
Every bag of Koffee Kult has a squirrel on it. I don’t know why. You may have to join an actual cult to find out. And even at that, it may be several levels in before they tell you what it’s all about. But that’s okay. Cults are supposed to be weird. It’s part of their charm. And if this is what they’re serving at their gatherings, I’m at least willing to hear them out. This coffee is great.
Good for Writing: Twisted tales of cults/squirrel haikus
The Coffee: Iron Bean Coffee Drink From the Skull of Your Enemy
This coffee isn’t screwing around. You might think that since the mascot appears to be an over-caffeinated owl in a viking helmet. Drink From the Skull of Your Enemy is my new favorite from the list here. It doesn’t just wake you up, it makes you bloodthirsty. And is that really a bad thing?
Good for Writing: Epic anything and ultimatums
The Coffee: Rootless A Damn Fine Cup of Coffee
No one goes to McDonald’s for a great burger. They go for a McDonald’s burger. It has a taste all its own and gets the job done. The same with diner coffee. No one’s looking for a great cup of coffee in a diner. They’re there for something hot and wet that will keep them going while they smoke cigarettes and possibly order midnight pancakes. Rootless set out to make—not the best cup of coffee—but the best diner coffee. It’s an admirable goal. And they aren’t far off the mark. A Damn Fine Cup of Coffee makes for a great late night coffee when the deadlines are dire and your lids are drooping.
Good for Writing: Books with characters who smoke lots and care little
The Coffee: Bones Coffee Army of Dark Chocolate
Here’s my issue with flavored coffee. It doesn’t taste like smells. This smells just like dark chocolate. And tastes just like coffee. Not that it smells bad or tastes bad. The two don’t go together and that confuses my face. I don’t like having my face confused, but I do like Evil Dead references, so what are you going to do? Bonus: Bones Coffee has a great brand (lots of movie references) and they seem to do more stoneware mugs than a lot of the others. Fun stuff.
Good for Writing: Psychological thrillers/dark Willie Wonka fanfic
The Coffee: Gearhead Coffee Big Block and Gear Oil
Hot rods and hot coffee. Gearhead took pin-ups and put a modern shine on it all. The brand looks pretty cool and the coffee pretty tasty. Big Block is dark. Gear Oil is extra dark and the beans smell like a shop floor. Somehow it tastes great. If you like dark coffee, this is the darkest I’ve found so far. Either will wake you up.
